Scrolling through social media, I stumbled upon a meme that deeply resonated: "There are only two people in the world you should prove you're successful to—not your parents, not your partner, not even your kids. Just two: your 8-year-old self and your 80-year-old self. If these two are happy with the life you’ve lived, then you’ve been successful."
In a capitalist society that equates success with status, wealth, and power, it's easy to lose sight of what truly matters. We chase goals dictated by societal norms—striving for the next promotion, the bigger house, or the fancier title. But do these markers align with our core values and dreams? Do they fulfill the part of us that craves purpose and connection?
Defining success isn't about ticking off a checklist handed to us by society; it's about designing a life that feels authentic. The question isn't just what success means—it’s about shaping its definition to bring genuine joy, balance, and satisfaction into our lives, avoiding burnout and regret.
Success Beyond the Numbers
We often hear stories of people who "have it all" yet feel empty. Consider lawyers in the United States, who consistently rank among the highest-earning professionals. According to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics, their median annual wage in May 2023 was $145,760—significantly higher than the median annual wage across all occupations at $60,070.
Yet, studies consistently show that lawyers experience some of the highest rates of depression among professionals. A landmark 1990 study by Johns Hopkins University found lawyers were 3.6 times more likely than average to suffer from depression.
What’s the takeaway here? It's not that law itself causes depression, but rather the values guiding individuals into certain professions. A 2014 study by Kennon Sheldon and Lawrence Krieger in The Journal of Positive Psychology revealed that lawyers in "money jobs" (focused on wealth and status) reported lower well-being than those in "service jobs," who earned less but found more purpose and satisfaction.
These findings highlight a broader truth: success based on extrinsic goals—like money or prestige—often comes at the cost of mental health and happiness.
How to Redefine Your Success:
True success isn’t about external markers like job titles or salaries—it’s about a life aligned with your values. Here's how we can redefine success:
1. Prioritize Mental and Emotional Well-Being
Instead of asking, "How much does this job pay?" ask, "Does this job support my mental health and personal growth?" Research shows that happiness stems from intrinsic factors, such as purpose, relationships, and meaning, rather than external achievements.
2. Embrace Your Individual Path
Success doesn’t look the same for everyone. For some, it’s raising a family; for others, it’s traveling the world or pursuing artistic passions. The only "right" definition is the one that resonates with you.
3. Measure Success Holistically
Beyond financial gains, ask yourself:
· Am I healthy and happy?
· Do I feel connected to my community and loved ones?
· Am I contributing to causes I care about?
4. Balance Ambition with Self-Care
Ambition is valuable, but not when it comes at the expense of your well-being. Sustainable
success requires balance—between striving for goals and honoring your limits.
The Takeaway
Redefining success is a deeply personal journey, but it's one that can lead to greater satisfaction and resilience. By shifting the focus from societal benchmarks to personal fulfillment, we empower ourselves to build lives that are not only successful by traditional standards but also deeply meaningful.
Let’s choose a success story where happiness, health, and purpose take center stage. Ask yourself: Would 8-year-old you see the adventure and wonder in the life you’re living? And would 80-year-old you feel proud of the choices you’ve made and the legacy you’ve built?
Answering these questions requires a deep level of self-awareness—a skill that isn’t always easy to cultivate on your own. This is where therapy can play a transformative role. Your therapist is trained to guide you through self-exploration, helping you uncover the values and aspirations that truly matter to you.
If you haven't already, consider bringing this topic into your therapy sessions. It could open the door to meaningful insights and help you redefine success in an authentic and fulfilling way.
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