Queering Desire: The Radical Value of Non-Monosexual Identities

Non-monosexuality is a term that includes a wide range of identities and refers to experiences of attraction that don’t fall under the categories of exclusively heterosexual or exclusively homosexual attraction, such as bisexuality and asexuality. Non-monosexuality challenges the very categorization of sexuality itself. It subverts the notion that sexuality is fixed and definable—that it’s a stable and reliable point from which to form identity.

Both bisexuality and asexuality transgress normative standards for attraction and therefore evade the control exercised by these norms. Asexuality challenges the notion that sexuality is a fundamental aspect of human identity and experience, and it challenges the boundaries of what attraction and desire can look like by offering new ways of conceptualizing intimacy in interactions between human beings. Bisexuality challenges the notion that sexuality is stable and rejects simple classification. Both additionally call into question the role of gender and its primacy in sexual intimacy and attraction, which not only subverts dominant sexual practices but gender roles as well.

Non-monosexuality forces us to turn our focus from defined categories to the interplay of systems and the contextually fluid effects on those living under them (Moradi, 2017). These identities and practices instead allow us to understand sexuality through the lens of what is personal—not categorical—and de-emphasize the primacy of gender and biological sex within intimacy and sexuality. Through its very existence, non-monosexuality critiques the practice of rigid definition and opens up an exploration of situational patterns and behaviors that expand our understanding and engagement beyond fixed traits.

This decoupling from the purely physical allows a more nuanced understanding of identity and attraction that creates space for a transcendent experience of relationship and connection (Galupo, 2016). Asexuality specifically frees romance and connection from conflation with sex and subverts patriarchal mandates for the primacy of heteronormative coupling, which challenges the assumption that a romantic relationship is the normal and most desirable life goal for everyone. It allows for an expanded emphasis on other forms of connection and relationship, such as friendship, family, and community (Brunning, 2021).

It also makes our understanding of eroticism more robust and expands it to explorations of the romantic and aesthetic, opening up the free expression of its power. This allows us to reframe our understanding of the erotic from mere sexual function to the function of “providing the power which comes from sharing deeply any pursuit with another person” (Lorde, 2020). The erotic, then, is expanded to include the physical, emotional, spiritual, and psychic, allowing for deeper connection and communion.

This understanding and approach by nature does not lend itself to the mechanisms of control that normative definitions of sex attempt to enforce. This deviation from historical understandings of sexuality as central to human flourishing affords a novel opportunity for agency and meaning-making. The liminality of asexuality, bisexuality, and other forms of non-monosexuality questions the very accuracy and usefulness of our current categories and inspires an exploration into new realms of human experience, freedom, and self-understanding that are both inherently creative and collaborative.

The therapeutic value of non-monosexuality also lies in its capacity to facilitate identity building and resilience. Bradford (2019) explored the ways in which limiting master narratives of stable and unambiguous identities impacted queer identity development. Among the challenging aspects of limited societal perceptions and narratives, it was found that participants’ deviation from master narratives resulted in engagement with identity-related processes that led to the co-construction of new queer narratives and language, fostering a sense of agency, strength, and positivity within one’s queer identity (Bradford, 2019).

Flores (2018) found that, along with increased hypervigilance and distress, experiences of sexual objectification in queer communities also resulted in increased relatedness, affirmed identity, and increased social support through community seeking, from which participants gained access to information that increased their safety. Additionally, many engaged in self-care and self-reflection practices as methods of coping.

These outcomes highlight the resilience of these populations in the face of impossible odds and the interdependent and dynamic interactions of different systems on the lives of individuals within the LGBTQ+ community. The common themes of self-exploration, agency and freedom, and community building serve as facilitative factors for collective action and coalition building within LGBTQ+ spaces.

Within the therapeutic context, non-monosexuality is not merely an identity to be validated but a lens through which to engage in richer, more complex explorations of identity, connection, and the world—a valuable tool of resilience to be utilized within the therapeutic process. Particularly within a field with an extensive history of rigid binaries, non-monosexuality subverts limiting frameworks by necessitating an expansive exploration of new frontiers in human relation and intimacy, and calls into question the systems and narratives that seek to delimit them.

References

Bradford, N. J., Rider, G. N., Catalpa, J. M., Morrow, Q. J., Berg, D. R., Spencer, K. G., & McGuire, J. K. (2020). Creating gender: A thematic analysis of genderqueer narratives. Non-Binary and Genderqueer Genders, 37–50. https://doi.org/10.4324/9781003015888-5

Brunning, L., & McKeever, N. (2020). Asexuality. Journal of Applied Philosophy, 38(3), 497–517. https://doi.org/10.1111/japp.12472

Flores, M. J., Watson, L. B., Allen, L. R., Ford, M., Serpe, C. R., Choo, P. Y., & Farrell, M. (2018). Transgender people of color’s experiences of sexual objectification: Locating sexual objectification within a matrix of domination. Journal of Counseling Psychology, 65(3), 308–323. https://doi.org/10.1037/cou0000279

Galupo, M. P., Ramirez, J. L., & Pulice-Farrow, L. (2016). “Regardless of their gender”: Descriptions of sexual identity among bisexual, pansexual, and queer identified individuals. Under the Bisexual Umbrella, 108–124. https://doi.org/10.4324/9780429447549-8

Lorde, A., & Gay, R. (2020). The Selected Works of Audre Lorde. W. W. Norton & Company.

Moradi, B. (2017). (re)focusing intersectionality: From social identities back to systems of oppression and privilege. Handbook of Sexual Orientation and Gender Diversity in Counseling and Psychotherapy, 105–127. https://doi.org/10.1037/15959-005