The Value of Play

When is the last time you played?

And I don’t mean in a structured way, such as through video games or an organized sport, but in a “free play” kind of way — open-ended, with no right or wrong and no specific goal. If you have a specific time in mind, what were you doing? Were you alone or with others? How did it make you feel?

Why Play?

There is ample evidence showing the benefits of play for children. It is necessary for social emotional development (Piaget, 1951). Play helps improve language skills, increases self-confidence, and promotes insight, understanding, empathy, joy, and connection (Liu et al., 2017). It supports persistence through challenges and the retaining of information. Play is how children learn and communicate, and yet it seems to be becoming devalued, starting institutionally in the school system, which increasingly favors standardized testing to produce measurable outcomes.

Though less researched than the impact of play on children, play is also shown to have positive effects for adults. It relieves stress, promotes creativity, and improves problem-solving abilities. It also connects people - supporting communication, empathy, and a sense of community. Playfulness promotes relational intimacy and positive emotion, in both friendships and romantic relationships, leading to increased relationship satisfaction (Aune & Wong, 2002).

As adults, we become even more disconnected from play. We have more responsibilities and obligations. Capitalism feeds off of us being overworked, leaving little time and energy for play. We feel exhausted at the end of the day, zapping the creativity, playfulness, and whimsy out of us.

D.W. Winnicott (1986) wrote about “Living Creatively.” He believes that true creativity is an innate vital force that comes from simply existing. It occurs in this space in between inner fantasy and outer reality. The outcome is less important than the journey it takes to get there. He uses a concrete example of cooking: while following a recipe may yield more predictable and successful results, it teaches us nothing besides our dependence on authority, leading to a life of mere compliance. Whereas learning how to cook without following instructions and thus experimenting (or playing!) teaches us things about ourselves and the world around us. Taking risks, being uncertain, and trying something new enables us to grow and change. In a society that puts a lot of pressure on measurable outcomes and progress, it’s easy to forget to question things, to experiment, to be curious, to play.

Play can help improve our relationships (Aune & Wong, 2002). When we think about communication in relationships, we can break it down into three contradictions: autonomy-connection, novelty-predictability, and opennessclosedness (Baxter, 1988). Autonomy-connection is the tension between wanting personal freedom and wanting to feel close with the other. Noveltypredictability is the need for stability and a steady routine (such as a weekly date night or morning coffee) and the opposing need for excitement and newness (such as taking a weekend trip or trying a pottery class together). Openness-closedness is the push-and-pull between the desire to be honest and disclose personal information and the desire for privacy and boundaries. Play allows us to relationally and fluidly manage these dialectics, or opposing forces. Play can remind us of our independence, while also creating bonds. It can provide spontaneity, breaking us out of our routines and patterns, or it can bring us comfort through a shared sense of understanding and history. And lastly, play can help us open up to one another, or it can act as a layer of protection, a way to avoid directly revealing one’s thoughts and feelings, while still connecting with others.

To truly play is to enter the realm of discovery. It is an act of trust in ourselves and our environment to be able to withstand uncertainty and the unexpected. It teaches us different ways to problem solve, to accept failure, to build resiliency, while also showing us the necessity of joy and pleasure.

Kids know how to do this instinctively, and somewhere along the way, it becomes no longer important, or perhaps it is stamped out of us. We are ordered to follow the rules, to not question things, and to not trouble the system - it’s much easier to manage people that way. But questioning, wondering, and a healthy skepticism of authority is an important part of being a human. Mr. Rogers (1994) once said, “I’m very concerned that our society is much more interested in information than wonder…” Wonder helps us reflect.

Often times, we don’t know what we’re doing, we’re unsure, and we’re figuring it out. And it’s okay (I would argue even good) to be in that space of not knowing, so we can learn how to tolerate the discomfort of uncertainty and be open to reflection, curiosity, and change. Play allows us to explore this paradoxical space and learn things about ourselves and the world we’re creating. We can process our feelings and explore different parts of ourselves or our identities in a way that feels lighthearted, safe, and fun.

What Does Play Look Like In Adulthood?

In her book, “Playful: How Play Shifts Our Thinking, Inspires Connection, and Sparks Creativity” (2025), Cas Holman, a world-renowned designer, educator and play expert, posits that play is more important now than ever, so we can learn about ourselves, be immersed in community, and practice conflict-resolution through compromising and respecting others.

Holman names three main tenets to help adults shift into a playful mindset:

1. Release judgment Sit through the discomfort, which means you must turn down your inner critic and be okay with looking foolish. Generate your own play, try new things, and do things you’re not “good” at simply because you enjoy it.

2. Reframe success In true play, success is enjoying the process rather than focusing on winning or getting something done.

3. Embrace possibility Get curious! Do daily routines differently and see what happens. Take a different route home. Make room for “bad ideas,” embrace failure, and collaborate with others.

Play is sustenance; levity and connection are needed in dark times. We must step out of what we think of as “productive” and “efficient,” and lean into what helps us feel present and joyous.

This could be as simple as chatting with a stranger, being silly with a friend, or putting your phone away on the subway and people watching. It could be rearranging your room, trying to fix an old gadget, or learning how to play a new instrument. Or maybe you can play by gardening, reading, or going dancing with friends.

As Winnicott puts it, “Somewhere in the scheme of things there can be room for everyone to live creatively. This involves retaining something personal, perhaps secret, that is unmistakably yourself. If nothing else, try breathing, something no one can do for you” (1986, p. 43). So I ask: what can you do to feel like yourself? To feel a sense of awe and curiosity? To feel fully present and alive? How can you play in your every day life?

References

Aune, K. S., & Wong, N. C. (2002). Antecedents and consequences of adult play in romantic relationships. Personal Relationships, 9(3), 279-286. https://doi.org/10.1111/1475-6811.00019

Baxter, L. A. (1988). A dialectical perspective on communication strategies. In S. Duck (Ed.), Handbook of personal relationships: Theory, research, and interventions (pp. 257–273). New York: Wiley.

Holman, C. (2025). Playful: How Play Shifts Our Thinking, Inspires Connection, and Sparks Creativity. Penguin Publishing Group.

Liu, C., Solis, S. L., Jensen, H., Hopkins, E. J., Neale, D., Zosh, J. M., Hirsh-Pasek, K., & Whitebread, D. (2017). Neuroscience and learning through play: A review of the evidence [White paper]. The LEGO Foundation.

Piaget, J. (1951). Play, dreams, and imagination in childhood (C. Gattegno & F. M. Hodgson, Trans.). New York: Norton. (Original work published 1945).

Rogers, F. (1994). Fred Rogers reflects on the experiences he's had while filming, "Mister Rogers' Neighborhood" and writing his book, "You Are Special” [Interview]. The Charlie Rose Show. https://charlierose.com/ videos/5544

Winnicott, D. W. (1986). Living creatively. In M. Winnicott, R. Shepherd, & M. Davis (Eds.), Home is where we start from: Essays by a psychoanalyst (pp. 39-54). W. W. Norton & Company.