Watching Inside Out 2 last Friday night was an emotional rollercoaster, with all the adults in the movie theater bawling their eyes out—a testament to Pixar's profound storytelling. As a therapist, if you haven’t integrated this movie into your sessions yet, it’s likely because you haven't watched it yet! The sequel, Inside Out 2, dives into a more turbulent world of adolescence, introducing a cast of new emotions reflecting the challenges we face growing up. Among these newcomers is Envy, a character with the potential to be very much misunderstood in our lives. But beneath that green tinge lies a deeper message about self-discovery and navigating the social landscape of transitions. This blog will tackle what envy is, what makes it destructive, and ways we can manage this emotion constructively.
Understanding Envy
Envy arises when we desire something someone else has—be it material wealth, success, relationships, or talents—and can bring feelings of inferiority, resentment, and longing. Unlike jealousy, which involves the fear of losing something we already possess, envy is about wanting what we don’t have. This complex emotion is a natural part of human experience, especially during adolescence when comparisons and social hierarchies become more pronounced. In the movie, Envy is my favorite mischievous gremlin with a knack for highlighting what Riley lacks compared to her peers. She whispers insecurities, making Riley hyper-aware of the “seemingly effortless” success of others at hockey camp, e.g., wanting Val’s/Disgust’s hairstyle or wanting to be tall.
The Destructive Power of Envy
Envy's role isn't simply to stir the pot. Unchecked envy can be detrimental. It can fuel feelings of inadequacy, leading to social withdrawal, negativity, and even self-sabotage. In the film, Envy's constant comparisons push Riley to chase what others have, neglecting her own strengths and interests. This aligns with real-world scenarios where we are often bombarded with curated social media portrayals which can develop a distorted sense of reality and struggles with self-esteem.
Understanding the Nuances of Envy
However, Envy isn't simply a villain. Envy can serve as a signal, prompting us to re-evaluate our own desires and goals. It can highlight areas where we might want to work harder or identify a lack of direction. For instance, if you've started a new business and feel envious of a friend's success with their startup, it could indicate a desire for similar achievements and spur you to work harder and seek professional growth opportunities. Reflecting on this, you might realize that envy often arises in situations where there's a meaningful similarity or aspiration. It's this nuanced aspect of envy, rooted in generalized desires, that makes it a complex emotion to navigate. In Riley's case, Envy's presence brings to light her uncertainty about her future path. The constant comparisons might be a cry for self-definition, a yearning to understand what truly matters to her.
Coping with Envy
Team Effort: The beauty of Inside Out 2 lies in its portrayal of emotions as a team. Just
like in real life, effective coping with envy requires collaboration. In the film, the other
emotions, particularly Joy and Sadness, work together to address the underlying issues
Envy exposes. Joy helps Riley identify her own strengths and rediscover the joy she used
to find in hockey. Sadness allows Riley to acknowledge her insecurities and set realistic
expectations.
Self-Compassion: Inside Out 2 goes beyond simply teaching kids not to be envious.
When we are bombarded with messages about fitting in and achieving perfection, this
film encourages a shift in focus from comparing oneself to others to recognizing and
appreciating one's own unique qualities and journey. THAT is the message that can
empower us to build self-confidence and navigate the social complexities with greater
resilience. For example, Riley’s self-compassion MAY have sounded like this;
I am feeling envious right now not because of Val’s hair or that their music taste is
different, but because they’re known to be in a team of excellence in hockey. It doesn’t
mean something is wrong with me; it only means that a part of me wants to challenge
myself and thrive in hockey. A part of me wants to see myself there and be the best
version of myself.
Catalyst: Ultimately, Inside Out 2 teaches us that Envy, while uncomfortable, is a normal
emotion. By acknowledging its presence and working with other emotions, we can
transform it into a catalyst for growth. Envy can show us where we might need to
course-correct, identify areas for self-improvement, or simply appreciate what we already
have. For example, envying a friend’s fitness level can motivate us to adopt a healthier
lifestyle and commit to regular exercise. In this way, envy can serve as a powerful
catalyst for personal development.
Practical Strategies for Managing Envy
Identify Strengths: Take time to reflect on what makes you unique and what you're good
at. Recognizing your own strengths can help mitigate feelings of envy.
Focus on Your Goals: Use envy as a source of motivation to improve yourself and work
towards your aspirations. Set realistic and attainable goals, and create a plan to achieve
them. Celebrate your progress and accomplishments along the way, no matter how small
they may seem. By doing that, you are celebrating the only person who you can compare
yourself with- the person who was born with the same resources, had the same lived experiences, had identical trauma, has a unique resilience, and that is: YOURSELF from
the previous day.
Practice Gratitude: Practicing gratitude shifts the focus from what we lack to what we
have. That helps to counteract the destructive nature of envy by guiding you to ground
yourself in the present moment.
Limit Social Media: Be mindful of the time you spend on social media and be critical and
aware of the content you consume. Social media often presents an unrealistic portrayal of
others' lives, which can fuel feelings of envy.
Learn from Those You Envy: What qualities or actions have contributed to their success?
Are there specific strategies or habits they follow that you can adopt? Viewing those you
envy as sources of inspiration rather than rivals can help you grow and improve. Seek
advice and mentorship from people you admire, and use their experiences as a guide for
your own journey.
Seek Support: Talk to a trusted friend, family member, or therapist about your feelings of
envy. Sharing your feelings can provide new perspectives and emotional support.
By understanding the role of Envy and working with all of our emotions, we can navigate the
challenges of adolescence and life in general with more self-awareness and compassion. After all, a healthy emotional life is just like Riley's hockey team – it takes teamwork to succeed.
References:
Gressel, J. (2014). Embracing Envy: Finding the spiritual treasure in our most shameful
emotion. University Press of America.
Parrott, W.G., & Smith, R.H. (1993). Distinguishing the experiences of envy and jealousy.
Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 64, 906-920.
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