The Empty Chair Technique and Talking to Your Younger Wounded Self

Healing often requires conversations that we never had the chance to have. Words left unspoken, pain left unprocessed, and needs left unmet can remain with us well into adulthood, shaping how we view ourselves and the world around us. One powerful therapeutic tool that allows us to revisit these unfinished conversations is the empty chair technique. This method provides a way to access, acknowledge, and integrate the experiences of our wounded younger selves, offering us an opportunity to repair and nurture parts of ourselves that have long been overlooked.

The empty chair technique originates from Gestalt therapy, developed by Fritz Perls and colleagues in the mid-20th century. It is a structured exercise in which a client imagines another person—or a part of themselves—sitting in an empty chair across from them. The client is then invited to speak directly to this imagined figure, voicing feelings, needs, and thoughts that may have been suppressed or silenced. In some variations, clients switch chairs, role-playing both sides of the dialogue. This encourages empathy and deepens self understanding. While it can be applied to interpersonal conflicts, grief, or unresolved relationships, it has become especially valuable when directed inward—toward the younger, wounded self.

Many of us carry inner wounds from childhood: moments of neglect, rejection, shame, or unmet needs. These experiences often live on as “younger selves” within us—frozen in time, seeking acknowledgment. When ignored, these parts can surface through anxiety, self-criticism, perfectionism, or difficulties in relationships. Speaking to your younger self in the empty chair provides an act of validation, as you offer the compassion and understanding that your younger self may never have received. It also fosters integration; instead of pushing away painful experiences, you bring them into your awareness with kindness. Finally, it provides empowerment, as revisiting past experiences from an adult perspective allows you to reclaim agency and reshape the narrative. For example, an adult who felt invisible as a child may tell their younger self, “I see you now. You matter to me. You deserved love and attention then, and you deserve it now.” This act of acknowledgment can be profoundly healing.

The practice itself can be simple, though emotionally powerful. To begin, you set the scene by placing an empty chair in front of you in a quiet and private space. You then imagine your younger self sitting there, perhaps at the age when you experienced a particular wound or moment of distress. Once the image is present, you speak to this child as if they were truly in front of you, expressing what you wish you could have said then: reassurance, comfort, or validation. Some therapists encourage switching chairs, responding as the younger self, and voicing fears or unmet needs. This dialogue can bring forward surprising insights and emotional release. The exercise usually ends with closing words of compassion—a promise of safety, encouragement, or even a symbolic hug. In that moment, the wounded child within you is reminded that they are no longer alone.

Engaging in this process has numerous benefits. It often brings emotional release, helping people express suppressed emotions that may have been buried for years. It cultivates self-compassion, as talking to your wounded self nurtures gentleness toward parts of you that once felt unworthy. It increases self-awareness, revealing patterns that originated in childhood and still influence present behavior. It also has the potential to improve relationships, since healing the wounded inner child often leads to healthier ways of connecting with others. Research on experiential techniques like the empty chair exercise has shown that clients often experience greater clarity, self-forgiveness, and reduced symptoms of anxiety and depression after such interventions (Paivio & Greenberg, 1995).

The goal is not just to “relive the past,” but to reframe and reclaim it with compassion.

At the same time, it is important to remember that the empty chair technique can be intense. Revisiting childhood wounds may stir up powerful emotions, and for those with a trauma history, it can feel overwhelming. In such cases, practicing the exercise with the support of a trained therapist ensures that emotions are processed safely and effectively. Even when done independently, boundaries are essential: give yourself time afterward to ground, journal, or engage in self-soothing activities. The goal is never to dwell on the pain, but to provide a healing presence to a part of yourself that has long needed it.

Talking to your younger self is ultimately an act of liberation. Many people carry an invisible suitcase packed in childhood, filled with confusion, shame, or fear. Every step taken in adulthood is influenced by the weight of that suitcase. The empty chair technique offers a way to open it, examine what is inside, and gently repack it with compassion, validation, and truth. By speaking directly to your younger wounded self, you transform old narratives of abandonment into stories of resilience and care. Healing is not about erasing the past—it is about learning to sit with it differently. Through this practice, you can remind your younger self that they are seen, heard, and loved, and in doing so, you bring more wholeness to your present life.

References:

Paivio, S. C., & Greenberg, L. S. (1995). Resolving "unfinished business": Efficacy of experiential therapy using empty-chair dialogue. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 63(3), 419–425.

Perls, F. S., Hefferline, R. F., & Goodman, P. (1951). Gestalt Therapy: Excitement and Growth in the Human Personality.New York: Julian Press.