How to Grieve From Afar
- Aidan Coyle
- Apr 16
- 3 min read
Grieving the loss of a loved one is incredibly difficult and hard to understand or put into words. Grieving while living hours away from the home you once shared with this person makes it even more complex. This is an experience I recently went through, and thankfully, while my grandma was sick, I was able to be home many times to spend time with her. What I did not expect was the journey of grief that I have gone on since her death, while being away from the home where I share all my memories of her and her love. Grieving from afar is a journey many people share that therapy can help with, as we try to honor the complex feelings towards those who have passed while maintaining ourselves in our current homes.
Grief is a natural process of loss and remembrance. It is evidence of love, belonging, and a connection that cannot be replaced. There is a psychological theory of memory called transactive memory, which describes how we use our loved ones as memory banks. We share memories with one another and oftentimes we forget them, but friends and family offer up pieces of our past through their memories, which are shared and create meaningful connections. Grief is also a process of losing those memories, which is why it can feel like losing a part of ourselves. When we experience loss nearby, we can experience some of those memories through visiting that person's environment and mutual loved ones. When we live far away, the grieving process can be more difficult because we lose access to the environments where those memories are made.
Grieving from afar can require more intentional action to aid in the natural process of remembering someone. When living far from home, you may not be around the friends or family who share the same love you have for the person you are grieving. This just means you must connect with these other loved ones through more intentional behavior, like scheduled phone calls and FaceTimes. These phone calls are not about showing up as your best self but as however you feel in that moment. Even if you do not feel like talking, just feeling present with someone else who you know is going through a similar emotion as you can be incredibly healing.
Another intentional action to try is replicating some of your loved ones’ favorite social or cultural actions. Honoring them in this way can make you feel present in your love for them by doing what they loved to do. Maybe they liked to cook, and you replicate one of their recipes or maybe they like to be outdoors and look at nature. By replicating what they loved to do, you are keeping their memories of that activity alive through your ability to love it too. You are also illustrating the gift they gave you of being able to appreciate that activity on that deep level.
Grief is a process and not something that can be rushed. It is also as natural as life and death and there is no right or wrong way to do it. If you are taking care of yourself, feeling all that you must feel, and connecting with others who share those feelings, you are doing okay.
Therapy can also help this process by giving you a space to feel while not being alone. You can use therapy to talk about the complicated feelings you have towards this loved one and the life you shared with them that you once called home. It can feel easy to forget about grief when you live far away and where reminders of that person are not present, but therapy can be a way of ensuring you remember all that you want to.
References
C, C. (2025, June 4). You are stronger than you think: 5 ways I dealt with grief while abroad - IFSA. IFSA.
Miller, J. (2018, April 23). How to Manage the Loss of a Loved One from a Distance. Taps.org.
Stollznow, K. (2025, September 5). Grieving from Afar. Psychology Today.
