Discussing therapy with a friend or family member can be a challenging conversation, especially if they are resistant to the idea of seeking help. The stigma surrounding therapy, misconceptions about mental health, and the vulnerability that therapy often requires can create strong resistance in some individuals.
If you care about someone who could benefit from therapy but is hesitant or dismissive about it, it can be difficult to navigate that conversation in a way that is compassionate, respectful, and effective.
In this blog post, I’ll explore strategies for approaching this conversation, managing resistance, and supporting your loved one in making an informed decision about therapy.
Understand the Source of Their Resistance
Before you even bring up therapy, it is crucial to understand why your friend or family member is resistant. People’s reluctance to start therapy can stem from a variety of factors, such as:
Stigma or shame: They may feel embarrassed about seeking help or worry others will perceive them as “weak” or “broken.”
Misconceptions about therapy: They might have outdated or negative ideas about what therapy entails—thinking it’s only for “crazy” people or that therapists just give advice instead of offering real support.
Fear of vulnerability: Therapy often requires opening up about painful emotions or past experiences. Your loved one might fear this level of vulnerability, especially if they’ve never done it before.
Pride or independence: Some people feel strongly that they should be able to handle their problems on their own, and asking for help feels like admitting defeat.
Past negative experiences: If they’ve tried therapy before and didn’t find it helpful, they might be reluctant to try again.
Having some understanding of where their resistance is coming from will help you approach the conversation in a more empathetic and supportive way.
Timing Is Key
Timing can make a big difference in how your conversation about therapy is received. If your friend or family member is going through a particularly difficult time—like a breakup, a job loss, or a family crisis—they may be more open to hearing your thoughts. On the other hand, if they are in a calm or positive place, it might not seem like the right moment to bring up the subject.
If you approach them at a time when they are not open or preoccupied, they might be defensive or dismissive, which could close the door to future conversations. Look for a moment when the person is feeling somewhat reflective or open to discussing their emotional well-being. This could be during a quiet moment, after a difficult event, or when they have already shown some openness to talking about their mental health.
Start with Empathy and Care
The way you frame the conversation is crucial. Instead of jumping straight into suggesting therapy, begin by expressing care for their well-being. Let them know that you have noticed they have been struggling and you are concerned about them. Acknowledge that you understand it might not be easy for them to talk about their emotions.
For example, you might say:
“I’ve noticed that you’ve been feeling a lot more stressed lately, and I just want you to know that I’m here for you. I care about you, and I want to see you feeling better.”
“I understand it can be tough to ask for help. But I want you to know it’s okay to not have everything figured out. We all need support sometimes.”
Starting with empathy and care creates a safe, non-judgmental space for your loved one to be more open to the idea of therapy.
Normalize the Experience of Therapy
Therapy is still something that many people feel is a last resort or only necessary for those with severe mental health issues. You can help normalize therapy by mentioning your own experiences, if applicable, or sharing examples of others who have benefited from it.
Saying something like:
“You know, I’ve been thinking about going to therapy myself to help with some things I’ve been struggling with. It’s really helped a lot of people I know, and it might be something worth considering for you, too.”
“I have a friend who started therapy recently, and it’s made a huge difference for them. They didn’t think it would help at first, but now they say they feel so much better.”
By sharing positive examples and showing that therapy is a common, beneficial tool, you can help reduce some of the stigma or fear they may have.
Focus on the Benefits, Not the Problem
Sometimes, people resist therapy because they see it as an admission that something is "wrong" with them. Rather than focusing on the problem or the difficulties they are facing, try shifting the conversation to the potential benefits of therapy. You can explain that therapy isn’t just for people with severe mental health issues; it’s for anyone who wants to feel better, grow, and improve their emotional well-being.
You might say:
“Therapy isn’t just for people with major problems—it’s also a way to get tools and strategies for managing stress, building resilience, and improving your mental health overall.”
“Even if things are tough, therapy can give you a space to work through things in a way that’s non-judgmental and private.”
Provide Practical Information
Some people resist therapy because they do not know what to expect or feel overwhelmed by the idea of starting. Providing practical information about how therapy works can help alleviate some of these concerns. You can discuss:
Types of therapy: Different kinds of therapy, such as cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), psychodynamic therapy, and more.
The role of the therapist: Therapists are trained to help people navigate their emotions and struggles in a safe, confidential environment.
What the first session looks like: Knowing what to expect can make someone feel less nervous.
For example:
“The first session might just be about getting to know each other and discussing what’s been on your mind. It’s not about solving everything at once.”
“Therapists are trained to make the process comfortable. It’s all about talking through
things at your own pace.”
Respect Their Autonomy
If your loved one is still resistant after you have had the conversation, it is important to respect their decision. Pressuring someone into therapy will likely backfire, and it could harm your relationship.
You can say something like:
“I understand that you’re not ready for therapy right now, and that’s okay. Just know that I’m here for you, and whenever you feel like talking, I’m happy to listen.”
Be Patient and Offer Continued Support
If your loved one isn’t ready to start therapy right away, don’t give up on the idea entirely. Keep the conversation open and continue offering your support. Be patient, and let them know that you’re always available to talk when they’re ready.
If you know someone who could benefit from therapy, feel free to send them to our website for a free phone consultation.
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