Do You Recognize Yourself in Any of These?

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There's a voice inside you that never lets up. It tells you you're not good enough, that you should have done better, that something about you is fundamentally wrong. Maybe it sounds like a parent's disappointment, or a tone you absorbed so early you can't even remember learning it. Over time, that voice became your own—holding you to impossible standards, punishing you when you fall short, and making it hard to ever feel at ease with yourself.

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Maybe you’ve noticed patterns like these:

• A harsh inner critic that drives you relentlessly—and punishes you when you rest

• Difficulty accepting compliments or believing you deserve good things

• Fear of being “found out” as not good enough, despite external success

• Struggling to set boundaries or speak up, because disappointing others feels unbearable

• Feeling disconnected from your emotions, or overwhelmed when they surface

• A deep sense that something is wrong with you—even when you can’t name what

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If these resonate, you’re not alone. And this group was designed for you.

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Why a Group—and Why This Group?

Shame is fundamentally a relational wound. It forms in relationships, and it heals in relationships. This is why individual insight alone, while valuable, often isn't enough. You can understand where your self-criticism comes from and still feel its grip. That's because shame lives in the body and in our relational patterns, not just in our thoughts.

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A group setting is uniquely powerful for this work because it brings those patterns to life in real time. The very dynamics that cause pain—fear of judgment, the urge to hide, the belief that your real self isn't acceptable—show up naturally. And when they do, instead of being met with the rejection you've come to expect, you're met with curiosity and acceptance from people who truly get it.

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Shame thrives in isolation. It convinces you that your struggles are uniquely yours, that no one else could understand. But when someone else puts words to the exact feeling you've carried silently for years, the aloneness begins to dissolve. And watching others take risks, speak up, show vulnerability, and sit with difficult feelings opens doors you didn't know were available to you. The group becomes living proof that there are other ways to relate to yourself and to others, ways that don't require perfection, performance, or hiding. 

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What makes this group different is that we don't just talk about shame. We work with it as it arises in the room. This is a process-oriented group, meaning there is no set curriculum or weekly topic. Instead, we slow down and pay attention to what's happening between you and the other members in real time. When you notice yourself pulling back, performing, or going blank, that becomes the material we work with together.

 

With the support of a therapist trained in experiential and neurobiologically-informed approaches, these moments become opportunities for your nervous system to learn something new: that vulnerability doesn't have to end in rejection, and that who you are, without the armor, is enough.

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The Cultural Dimension

This group is specifically designed for Asian American adults because cultural context matters deeply in how shame operates.

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Many of us grew up with parents who showed love through criticism. The bar was always high, praise was rare, and no matter how hard you tried, the focus landed on what you got wrong. Maybe your parents didn't know how to be emotionally present, because no one was emotionally present for them. But as a kid, you didn't know that. You just learned that who you are isn't quite enough. And somewhere along the way, their voice became your voice. On top of that, messages about filial piety, family sacrifice, and being a 'model minority' made it even harder to question any of it. You may have learned that your emotions are a burden, that asking for help means you're weak, or that your family's face matters more than how you actually feel inside.

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In this group, you won’t have to explain these dynamics from scratch. You'll be with people who already get it, the expectations, the unspoken rules. And there's something deeply healing about being in a room where you don't have to translate your experience, where people just understand, and where you can finally be honest about what it's been like.  

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What to Expect

This is not a psychoeducation class or a skills workshop. It is a process-oriented group, which means the focus is on what happens between you and the other members in real time. The group itself becomes the laboratory for change.

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Here’s how it works:

We start where you are. Each session has a theme related to shame and self-criticism, but within that, we begin with what's alive for you, what you're feeling, what's been on your mind, what showed up in your week.

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We pay attention to the here-and-now.  The most transformative moments often happen not when we're talking about shame, but when shame actually shows up in the room, when you notice yourself wanting to withdraw, when you're afraid to speak, or when you feel judged. These moments are golden opportunities.

We slow down together. When emotions surface, we don't rush past them. We learn to stay with what's happening in your body, name what you're feeling, and allow yourself to be witnessed by others, often for the first time.

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We build something new together. Over time, the group becomes a space where you can experiment with being more authentic, more vulnerable, and more compassionate toward yourself, and experience that you're still accepted.

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What Change Can Look Like

Members who engage in this kind of group work often experience:

• A quieter inner critic, one that no longer runs your life

• Greater ability to feel and express difficult emotions instead of shutting them down

• More authentic connections with others, less performing, more belonging

• Increased self-compassion and capacity for self-acceptance

• A more integrated sense of cultural identity

• The ability to set boundaries without overwhelming guilt

• Less aloneness, knowing that your experience is shared and understood

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The Science Behind This Approach

This group integrates insights from affective neuroscience, attachment theory, and relational psychotherapy. Here’s why this matters:

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Shame lives in the body, not just the mind.

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You can know logically that you're capable, that you're doing fine, and still feel deep down that something is wrong with you. Research in affective neuroscience shows that shame is encoded in implicit, right-brain memory systems, the same systems that store early relational experiences. Thinking differently about yourself can only go so far. Real change requires new experiences, not just new ideas. 

Self-criticism activates the brain’s threat system.

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Self-criticism keeps your body in survival mode. When you attack yourself internally, your brain treats it the same way it would treat an outside threat. Your stress hormones spike, your body tenses up, and your nervous system shifts into fight, flight, or freeze. When this happens over and over for years, your body gets stuck in a state of constant alert, which makes it exhausting to just get through the day, and makes vulnerability feel genuinely dangerous.

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Compassion activates a different neural system entirely.

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Compassion works through a completely different system. When you feel safe, warm, and connected with others, your brain activates a soothing system that calms the threat response. But for many of us who grew up without consistent emotional warmth, this system never got a chance to fully develop. The good news is that it can still be built, through repeated experiences of being met with care and acceptance, which is exactly what group work provides.

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New relational experiences rewire old patterns.

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New experiences can actually update old patterns. Your brain isn't fixed. When you expect rejection but receive acceptance, when you show someone who you really are and they stay, your brain registers that as new information and begins to update the old story. These moments, over time, create real and lasting change.

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Is This Group Right for You?

This group may be a good fit if you:

• Are an Asian American adult between 20 and 55

• Struggle with shame, self-criticism, or perfectionism

• Are interested in understanding yourself more deeply, not just managing symptoms

• Are willing to be emotionally present and engage with others authentically

• Can commit to attending weekly for at least six months

• Are currently in a stable enough place to tolerate emotional exploration (not in acute crisis)

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This group is not designed for individuals currently experiencing acute suicidality, active severe substance use, or those who may have difficulty maintaining safety in a group setting. If you’re unsure whether this group is right for you, we can discuss it during the screening conversation.