Although we are years past the onset of our original quarantine with the COVID-19
Pandemic, some may continue to feel lingering anxieties around specific social settings. This
fear often stems from perceived judgment or rejection from people in these spaces, which can hold you back from entering or engaging in certain activities. Social anxiety can impact
self-esteem, which can limit other areas.
I do want to distinguish between experiencing social anxiety and social anxiety disorder,
which is a diagnosis that one would receive from a mental health professional based on
persistent symptoms. Social anxiety is normal and can exist in a range of experiences. In this
blog, I will discuss potential sources of social anxiety and ways to overcome these feelings that may inhibit you from living your authentic life.
Roots of Social Anxiety
We experience anxiety when our body and emotions try to tell us something, usually as
a protection. While sometimes it may not be warranted, social anxiety may alert you to social
threats. In response, we may look for non-verbals in others or analyze our bodies or behaviors to avoid rejection. We often look to past social experiences to inform current or future social experiences; however, anxiety can appear when there is nothing to be anxious about.
Our body may be sending signals against a threat that does not exist. Try to differentiate between past experiences in a certain social setting and new experiences. Are you holding on to a rejection or judgment you felt in the past and assume it will occur again? Make space for contrasting thoughts and possibilities.
Sometimes, we can focus too much on the things we cannot control. This could be the
population at your gym, the crowd at a bar, or the first day at a new school or job. Your social
anxiety could be connected to the hope that you had more information before entering a new
setting or even one you have frequented before. Social anxiety may creep in, noticing the
tension between yourself and external forces. This could lead to your critical voice breaking
down your appearance, mannerisms, or abilities. Remember that comparison is the thief of joy.
Consider what you will receive from this space or people when engaging in social interactions. By shifting your focus from the external to the internal, you will connect with yourself and better cope with anxious thoughts.
Learn more about social anxiety disorder
(https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/social-anxiety-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-2 0353561)
Reconnect With Your Goals
When social anxiety is present, it may cloud your ability to see through the fog and
remember your own goals for engaging with others. Whether dating, making new friends, or
communicating in group settings, social anxiety may impact your motivation to pursue your
goals, potentially leaving you feeling stuck. When you shift your focus to the “why” rather than
the “why not,” you may find the confidence to challenge a narrative that could be rooted in fear.
Change and discomfort sit side by side. The discomfort is you experiencing something new.
Rather than avoiding it, embrace the possibilities of reward and fulfillment. Limit black-or-white thinking, which may look like “success” or “failure” with social anxiety. Instead, normalizing and emphasizing the nuances of anxiety and social interactions can act as stepping stones rather than barriers.
Overcoming Social Anxiety
Now that you may better understand the source(s) of your social anxiety, let’s challenge
the narrative with coping skills and practice tools. Your social anxiety may tell you that the
situation will cause anxiety when your thoughts about the situation are where the anxiety lives.
Reflect on experiences in the past where you felt anxious. Remember to be specific, as these details highlight the unique circumstances that brought on anxiety. What are the negative thoughts that come to mind? Find ways to question this thought. What evidence do you have that enforces the anxiety? Then, shift your focus to evidence that contradicts this thought. Often, you will find your assumptions about future interactions are dictating the narrative. Staying in the present allows you to connect with your emotions and body rather than living in a perceived future.
Anxiety can often shield us from our core emotions. You can move through the emotions
when you sit with your feelings and make space for them. Whether it is fear of rejection,
sadness from past experiences, or stress around new experiences, give yourself the permission to lean into these feelings. You may be asking why you would want to spend more time with the stuff that is bringing on anxiety; however, when we feel, we better understand ourselves, which can lead to safety and comfort.
Remind yourself that you are not alone. When facing circumstances that bring about
anxiety, who grounds you? Look for those who acknowledge how you feel and may be able to
join you in these activities or add an outside perspective. It is okay to lean on others for support. You do not have to face scary situations alone. Having their support can be the bridge to you facing new challenges.
Intentional exposure is another way to lessen the symptoms of social anxiety. Exposure
means tackling whatever you are afraid of. This is not a one-time solution and involves a
commitment to the practice of exposure. Before going into a social setting that brings up anxiety, consider the fear, make a plan for yourself, and set a goal. The goal can be as simple as sitting with the fear in this setting or taking a risk. While engaging with this anxiety-producing situation, notice if you are leaning into behaviors that may minimize the fear, like substance use. Are you engaging in substances to not feel or overcome anxiety? This is also a way to be mindful and check in with yourself over the intention behind behaviors. After leaving this setting, take time to process the experience.
Celebrate that you followed through amidst fear and anxiety. Recognize
lessons learned and create a plan for the next time you will be in a similar circumstance. Did the worst-case scenario occur? If not, what does that mean for you? This is your truth and can be used to build a foundation for future anxiety-producing social interactions.
Video: More on social anxiety from a psychiatrist
Suppose you find social anxiety a persistent, ongoing challenge in many situations. In
that case, you may want to consider therapy as an option to further explore your personal
history that could be contributing to your anxiety. A mental health professional can help you stay with your feelings and provide a non-judgemental space while also holding accountability. You do not have to feel trapped from going after what you want because of social anxiety. Change is always possible when we lead with intention, even if it is challenging.
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